if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
