it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
Randomize
