i was born a porn star she said
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
