No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
