why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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