how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
