Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
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