i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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