as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
