after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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