dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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