i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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