I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize