Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
