i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
I just found a bag of teeth...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
