i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
