I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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