so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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