So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Randomize
