I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
