yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
