I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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