My brain says no but my pants say off.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
