what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
