Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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