If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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