it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
