there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
