Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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