MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
