HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
