I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
