i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize