Got a toothbrush?
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
