Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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