My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
