Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
