i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We had to coat check the pizza.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
