saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
