Your face is a jimmy john
i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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