theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Randomize