were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
