Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
