just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
