What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
