at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
