I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
