So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
