Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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