When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
