my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
