My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
