i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize