Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
