You really coming over, don't trick.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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