God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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