Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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