I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
