He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
