What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
