Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
