i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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