Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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