I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
Randomize
