What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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