hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
one might say we're banned from that church
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Also, beer. Big fan.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
