Three words: puerto rican gang bang
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Randomize
