If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Say something about gay babies.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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