After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
