tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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