Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
50% drunk capacity currently
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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