Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
