I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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